Mythos totally ruined the subtlety of the first email by posting three others which got more and more ridiculous, but hey, isn't that like a horror movie sequel?
Anyway, here is the initial email:: ____________________________________ This is a critical announcement that was automatically sent by Hampshire College's Intranet Announcement system.
For additional announcements, please visit http://intranet.hampshire.edu
Title : Campus Safety Alert - Undead presence on campus
Hampshire College Public Safety Department is investigating an above-average number of undead sightings on campus. This weekend, at least two zombies were seen in or near the Prescott parking lot, and there were smears on the window of the Merrill B lobby that seem to have been left by numerous bloody, leprous hands.
In light of these events, we ask that all members of the community stay indoors until further notice. Please keep all windows closed and locked with curtains drawn. Be aware that excessive noise may put you and others at risk of attracting zombies. The college anticipates vanquishing the zombies, but if necessary, food will be provided to the living spaces. Tap water is adequate for drinking. Do not wait near building entrances.
No violent incidences have been reported. However, Public Safety urges everyone to keep in mind the importance of remaining indoors and locking all outside and inside doors. If you see a zombie or any other suspicious creatures, call Public Safety at x5555 immediately or the Town of Amherst Police at 9-1-1. For non-emergencies, call x5424. If you are scratched, bitten, or subjected to any form of contact with a zombie, call Health Services at x5458. In event of a full-scale attack, use the emergency numbers above.
We understand that students may wish to contact their parents/guardians with this unfortunate news, and we recognize that some of them may wish to rescue you from this threat. Public Safety has indicated that the best way to ensure your well-being is to stay put. Please be advised that both the front (Route 116) entrance and the Bay Road entrance will be reserved for emergency personnel and/or military troops until further notice.
We appreciate your patience and compliance in this trying situation.
3 comments:
oh dear.
I hope there's still a campus when I visit next week.
Mythos totally ruined the subtlety of the first email by posting three others which got more and more ridiculous, but hey, isn't that like a horror movie sequel?
Anyway, here is the initial email::
____________________________________
This is a critical announcement that was automatically sent by
Hampshire College's Intranet Announcement system.
For additional announcements, please visit http://intranet.hampshire.edu
Title : Campus Safety Alert - Undead presence on campus
Hampshire College Public Safety Department is investigating an
above-average number of undead sightings on campus. This weekend, at
least two zombies were seen in or near the Prescott parking lot, and
there were smears on the window of the Merrill B lobby that seem to
have been left by numerous bloody, leprous hands.
In light of these events, we ask that all members of the community
stay indoors until further notice. Please keep all windows closed and
locked with curtains drawn. Be aware that excessive noise may put you
and others at risk of attracting zombies. The college anticipates
vanquishing the zombies, but if necessary, food will be provided to
the living spaces. Tap water is adequate for drinking. Do not wait
near building entrances.
No violent incidences have been reported. However, Public Safety urges
everyone to keep in mind the importance of remaining indoors and
locking all outside and inside doors. If you see a zombie or any other
suspicious creatures, call Public Safety at x5555 immediately or the
Town of Amherst Police at 9-1-1. For non-emergencies, call x5424. If
you are scratched, bitten, or subjected to any form of contact with a
zombie, call Health Services at x5458. In event of a full-scale
attack, use the emergency numbers above.
We understand that students may wish to contact their
parents/guardians with this unfortunate news, and we recognize that
some of them may wish to rescue you from this threat. Public Safety
has indicated that the best way to ensure your well-being is to stay
put. Please be advised that both the front (Route 116) entrance and
the Bay Road entrance will be reserved for emergency personnel and/or
military troops until further notice.
We appreciate your patience and compliance in this trying situation.
yeah, i heard them discussing the addition of aliens to the story, and it wrecked the whole idea. oh well... it was fun while it lasted. :D
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